Silence Ends

Recently I have been feeling rather Depressed (blue).

It’s been a few years since I felt so down. All motivation was drained from me, and there were a few days I wasn’t eating as well as I should have. I seem to be back to normal, and am now making time to write again. My poor book hasn’t been updated with a new chapter in ages, something I am just a few hundred words away from remedying.

I’m not 100% sure I’m back to full power yet, and I have a lot of work I am behind on. I do plan to keep the blog going though! So stay tuned.

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Healthy Levels

Acceptance (light green) seems to fit my little research project today.

Getting back into my Enneagram thinking, I’m assessed my life right now based on how Type 2s act at different levels of mental health. Here’s the link to the Type 2 page so you can follow along. I’m reading under the “Levels of Development” part.

I can think of times I have experienced the lowest levels. Not quite personality disorders, but it was fairly destructive. I don’t think I’m there now, but I can think of times I’ve made it all the way up to level 2, especially with the forgiving and sincere parts…

If I am being honest with myself, I’d say right now I’m hovering around the 3rd level. There are a lot of times these days I want so bad to move down a few levels, but I’m trying very hard not to. It actually depends mostly on who I’m talking to and what level I want to be. Hopefully some day I can be sitting at level 1 no matter who I’m talking to.

Also, came across some of the biological, chemistry research behind personalities. An interesting TEDx Talk about it:

 

Basic Fear

For this special post, I’m going to talk about something that makes me feel Fear (dark green).

As part of some personal research on the integration of personality types and emotions, I took some time to explore the Enneagram. This was very popular among my peers in college, and is the topic of a very good friend’s PhD dissertation. Here are some helpful links:

Basic Wikipedia:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Enneagram_of_Personality

The Enneagram Institute:
https://www.enneagraminstitute.com/

After taking several online tests (all the free ones I could find), I narrowed down which type I was to a few. Looked up their long explanations and still wasn’t sure… then I saw a basic chart on Wikipedia. Just from the “Basic Fear” and “Basic Desire” categories, it was very easy to see that I was a Type 2 (The Helper). There is of course a lot more to this (obviously there are more than just nine kinds of people), but at least to start with I can begin here.

The basic fear of a Type 2 is “Being Unloved”.

The times in my life where I experienced the greatest levels of fear, were when I felt I might be losing my best friends. It happened at two different times, and for different reasons… and actually I was never at risk of losing them so much as just a perception… but that perception caused levels of stress and nightmares (literally) that were at least on the same level as fear and stress experienced in a war zone. In some ways the fear was greater.

This wasn’t really news to me. I have been studying my internal workings for a long time now, but it’s interesting to look into from a more academic perspective.
This fear is still present in my life now. Although I have much more experience dealing with this fear in healthy ways, it is still one of the main sources of stress in my life that I strive to (and most of the time succeed to) keep in balance.

If you don’t know what your greatest fears in life are, I suggest trying to identify them through one of these typing systems, or just through your own self exploration. Knowing them in an articulate way is half the battle of fighting them.

I do plan to continue delving into this personality typing system from the light of emotions, so stay tuned. After I also want to get into the Myers & Briggs personality typing system, and one other that involves a lot of color imagery… if I can find it again.

Stay tuned!

First Story Arc Complete!

I’m feeling very Optimistic (yellow and orange mixed) right now as I have just published the final chapter of the first main section of my book. The total word count is currently 14909 words, with 195 reads, 35 votes, and 41 comments. The average Light Novel is 50,000 words so I am now 29.82% of the way there. Based on other fun numbers I am about 19.88% done with how long I think the book will be.

If you haven’t checked out my book yet, please click the Wattpad Tab above, and give it a look!

meters

Exam Crushed!

I feel Ecstasy (the strong yellow emotion, not the drug) RIGHT NOW!

A student of mine who has worked very hard for a long time passed a super important exam and will be starting his job training soon! So happy 🙂