March 2nd, 2017

Today I feel Inspired (yellow and light green mixed).

I stumbled across some YouTube videos with clips from a show called What Would You Do?

In this show, actors will play out something in public that presses a social issue of some kind. One example was this video where a “mother” was strictly controlling the food her “daughter”. This got into a lot of body image issues, and sure enough people in the restaurant spoke up for the little girl. Interesting was when they switched child actors for a “son” it was a lot more accepted.

Anyway, watching some of these clips and seeing people stand up for strangers filled me with a sense of admiration (light green) and joy (yellow). My favorite video for the day:


Healthy Levels

Acceptance (light green) seems to fit my little research project today.

Getting back into my Enneagram thinking, I’m assessed my life right now based on how Type 2s act at different levels of mental health. Here’s the link to the Type 2 page so you can follow along. I’m reading under the “Levels of Development” part.

I can think of times I have experienced the lowest levels. Not quite personality disorders, but it was fairly destructive. I don’t think I’m there now, but I can think of times I’ve made it all the way up to level 2, especially with the forgiving and sincere parts…

If I am being honest with myself, I’d say right now I’m hovering around the 3rd level. There are a lot of times these days I want so bad to move down a few levels, but I’m trying very hard not to. It actually depends mostly on who I’m talking to and what level I want to be. Hopefully some day I can be sitting at level 1 no matter who I’m talking to.

Also, came across some of the biological, chemistry research behind personalities. An interesting TEDx Talk about it:


February 22nd, 2017

Today I feel Admiration (light green).

I just watched the new episode of The Real O’Neals (link) on iTunes. Being a sitcom, of course this show exaggerates a lot of things, but some things are pretty spot on. In this week’s episode The Real Confirmation, the mother and one of the sons find each other up late because neither can sleep. Both are freaking out about something going on in their lives and the mother says, “Do you ever miss those times when we used to hide all our secrets and swallow all our feelings?”

But the fact is, their secrets are out and they aren’t the perfect Catholic family anymore. Yet, I would kill to have such a wonderfully dysfunctional family. The mother may not approve of her son being gay, or her daughter sometimes questioning the nature or even existence of God… but they are still her children through the whole thing. If anyone says anything against them, she comes out fangs bared because they are her children. And no matter what is happening, they can talk about everything with each other. They don’t hide their secrets or swallow their feelings anymore.

They don’t agree with each other most of the time. But they still love, support, and try to understand one another. What more could anyone ask for? Yes, it’s a TV show, yes it’s not a real family… but isn’t that the point of fair tales? To show us what we could be?

February 13th, 2017

Today I feel Infatuation (yellow and light green mixed).

If love is Joy + Trust, then having lesser levels from Serenity and Acceptance must be similar enough. If you haven’t quite guessed yet, I went on a date. Two of them actually with a third one scheduled for tomorrow.

The entire rainbow of emotions is going through my head right now that’s for sure. Happiness, fear, surprise, anticipation, acceptance… okay maybe not the whole rainbow. There’s definitely no anger or boredom. No sadness either… now I just have to pray that those don’t soon follow.

January 15th, 2017

Today I feel Peaceful (mostly yellow with a dash of light green) and just a little surprised (teal).

Today I went out in search of a peaceful place to sit down, write, and just be out of the house for a while. I found a great cafe. The staff looked a little surprised (teal) when I walked in, and were also a little nervous (dark green). When I ordered a hot chocolate in Chinese without looking at a menu they relaxed a bit… though seemed to laugh a bit when they told me I could sit anywhere, and I had to repeat it back to myself before I understood (though they didn’t have to repeat it to me).

The hot chocolate was on point! So good, better than any I’ve ever made… at least any I’ve made that didn’t involve peppermint schnapps. Not to mention the mug was pretty big at an average price.

I think I might make this an every Sunday thing.

December 30th, 2016

Today I feel Acceptance (light green).

I stayed at the office late today after I punched out to keep the Chinese teachers company while they finished with some cleaning and paperwork stuff. We were chatting, so I hung out for a while.

Normally when the topic of relationships comes up, I am spectacular at speaking in passive sentences or using non gender specific pronouns and titles. Things like “my date” instead of “he”, or “It’s nice to be taken to a nice dinner.” I’m not going to outright lie, but I will let people imagine whatever they want.

Today for the first time, I let a pronoun slip. “Did you just say ‘him’?” Luckily neither of them care, and the conversation was more about how proud she was that she caught the small English detail in the middle of a discussion.