February 28th, 2017

Today I’m feeling pretty Happy (yellow).

For the most part I was able to put yesterday behind me, and take advantage of my unexpected vacation day.

Didn’t do much, but I did work out a little. Then had a great time going to hang out with a great group of people in an LGBTQ+ community. It’s my second or third time going, and this time I had a plus one with me.

Played some euchre for the first time in a long time, after teaching a bunch of people. Spreading Michigan card games all over the world. Helped to have another GVSU alum there who probably also spent oh so many college hours playing that game.

And I ate 18″ of subway to make up for my loss yesterday, and I was just really hungry… I’m still kind of hungry actually. I wonder what color hungry is… it’s not really an emotion by itself, but I’m going to go with blue since hungry people are usually sad.

February 27th, 2017

Today I feel Depressed (Blue).

Today was just not my day from start to finish. After two nights with little sleep, I woke up kind of grumpy to start with. Everything was just frustrating. I got some of my writing project work done, which was good but not enough. Forgot to shave when I took a shower, so I had to jump back in after I was all nice and dry. Missed my bus and had to wait almost 20min for the next one.

Finally get to work, still on time but I knew I would have to rush. Get to the door, the whole school is locked up tight. Call some people, no answers. Walk down to the other school that I’m not teaching at today to see if they know what’s going on, it’s a national holiday. I don’t have work today, or tomorrow. No one bothered to tell me… so I could have not had to shower twice or rushed to miss my bus, instead I could have finished my work and not spent $60NT ($2US) on the two way bus ride that took an hour.

Decided to ride the bus an extra stop to go to a subway near my apartment. A foot and a half of warm Philly cheese steak sandwich was going to be the thing to cheer me up and make everything better. The subway was closed. Not just for the holiday… it’s gone for good.

I shouldn’t have left my bed today…

February 26, 2017

Tonight I’m feeling Grief (blue).

My day was actually pretty good. Basically had a Skype Movie Date (not using skype, but hopefully the idea is clear). We watched Those People. It was better than I expected actually. Not my favorite movie ever, but it was worth a watch.

Just before going to sleep talked with my mom to catch up some since it has been a while. I get to tell her about how work is going, plans for the next month, and everything going on with her. The story I want to tell her most is about this great guy I’ve started spending time with. I want to tell her about going to IKEA and not finding anything, about clothes shopping, and even crazy night market adventures. All these things that are making me happy, I find being unable to share with my mom.

So here I sit. It’s 1:30am after being up far too late the night before. Sleep seems to elude me as my mind spins with thoughts… and really I just feel sad. I really hope tomorrow is another rainy day.

Healthy Levels

Acceptance (light green) seems to fit my little research project today.

Getting back into my Enneagram thinking, I’m assessed my life right now based on how Type 2s act at different levels of mental health. Here’s the link to the Type 2 page so you can follow along. I’m reading under the “Levels of Development” part.

I can think of times I have experienced the lowest levels. Not quite personality disorders, but it was fairly destructive. I don’t think I’m there now, but I can think of times I’ve made it all the way up to level 2, especially with the forgiving and sincere parts…

If I am being honest with myself, I’d say right now I’m hovering around the 3rd level. There are a lot of times these days I want so bad to move down a few levels, but I’m trying very hard not to. It actually depends mostly on who I’m talking to and what level I want to be. Hopefully some day I can be sitting at level 1 no matter who I’m talking to.

Also, came across some of the biological, chemistry research behind personalities. An interesting TEDx Talk about it:

 

February 25th, 2017

Today I feel fairly Proud (yellow and teal mixed) of myself.

My house is much more in order, and once again clean. There are some more broken things, but I have already contacted my landlord. I’m stocked up with food, and the dishes aren’t piling up. I’ll need this week to test things, but I feel like my life is re-balanced for now. Of course life will always change and require balancing things out, but the times where things are running pretty smoothly are great!

February 24th, 2017

Today I feel Confused (teal) and Optimism (yellow and orange mixed).

First off, my confusion. I could have sworn that I have been keeping up with writing my blog, and maybe missed yesterday…. I wasn’t sure. When I looked, I’m a few days behind. Really not sure how that happened. Sorry regular readers, I don’t think it’s a sign of what’s to come, maybe just an off week.

Now for today specifically. I’m feeling pretty positive about some things. I had one of those moments today when I figured out one of my problems might be caused by a cultural difference, which was finally explained to me today in more detail. With this new knowledge, I might see a few things improve soon… I’m at least going to stay glass half full for now. More details when I have time.

Technically it’s already the 25th, and I need to go to bed… but getting farther behind would be bad.

February 22nd, 2017

Today I feel Admiration (light green).

I just watched the new episode of The Real O’Neals (link) on iTunes. Being a sitcom, of course this show exaggerates a lot of things, but some things are pretty spot on. In this week’s episode The Real Confirmation, the mother and one of the sons find each other up late because neither can sleep. Both are freaking out about something going on in their lives and the mother says, “Do you ever miss those times when we used to hide all our secrets and swallow all our feelings?”

But the fact is, their secrets are out and they aren’t the perfect Catholic family anymore. Yet, I would kill to have such a wonderfully dysfunctional family. The mother may not approve of her son being gay, or her daughter sometimes questioning the nature or even existence of God… but they are still her children through the whole thing. If anyone says anything against them, she comes out fangs bared because they are her children. And no matter what is happening, they can talk about everything with each other. They don’t hide their secrets or swallow their feelings anymore.

They don’t agree with each other most of the time. But they still love, support, and try to understand one another. What more could anyone ask for? Yes, it’s a TV show, yes it’s not a real family… but isn’t that the point of fair tales? To show us what we could be?